One Month…

In one month, new life can be given

In one month, two lives can become one

In one month, expectations can change

In one month, everything can change.

In fact it only takes on day, sometimes one moment, one second for life to change so drastically that it could never be the same again.

I suppose that time came for the Iseralites when Moses came to town to “free” them. In that moment their work got significantly harder- life would never be the same. Then as they were wondering the wilderness, now free from slavery, yet their life would never be the same. Reading the account for the Iseralites, Moses and Aaron in the Old Testament one theme has stuck out to me recently the Iseralites say repeatedly 4″Why have you brought the assembly of the LORD into this wilderness, that we should die here, both we and our cattle? 5 And why have you made us come up of Egypt to bring us to this evil place? It is no place for grain or figs or vines or pomegranates, and there is no water to drink.” Numbers 19 :4 & 5.

Over and over again, the Iseralites use “Why did you deliver us from Egypt, to die in the wilderness, weren’t we better off there with food and water”.  After reading a few verses last night I was thinking, don’t they see the great miracles that God has been doing, I mean, come on- Manna coming down from heaven EVERY DAY?!?!?! That seems like a pretty big miracle to witness over time. But yet, when something wasn’t going their way they blamed God, and complained to him that his life for them was worse than they had it in slavery. It’s easy for me to see their error in blaming God, but how many times to we do the same thing? Every time life does not go the way that we want something and don’t get it we automatically go to God and ask Why, like the Iseralites. We blame God for not blessing us and giving us everything that we desire.

God thankfully calls us to talk to him and bring our troubles before him, but not blame him when our life does not go our way. This past month has been a difficult road for many people, me included. It has also been a glorious month full of surprises and blessings. I have friends that has a beautiful Baby Boy Luke who I can’t wait to go to California and snuggle with, then I have dear church friends who have lost their beloved son Abraham for no reason. I have seen loved ones get sick, and thankfully healed physically and seen dear loved ones healed by having the LORD take them to their heavenly home. So many different life events, all changing peoples lives for better or worse, forever.

Over the last eleven months I have asked God Why, I have prayed for the answer and truly feel like I have peace with losing Rachel. But, over the last month my anger and my questions have come back. “Why LORD? Why, did you have to take another baby. Why wasn’t Rachel enough? One church, within one year? Why? What’s the reason for taking baby Abe?” I have come back an the only answer I have gotten so far is this, and to me it’s profound, and powerful.

In one month, on Good Friday we will celebrate Rachel’s 1st year in heaven. ON. GOOD. FRIDAY. On the day that we remember the ultimate sacrifice Jesus made for us, will be my daughter’s 1st birthday in heaven. When I asked God Why Rachel wasn’t enough, the answer I got was… Wasn’t my SON enough? Wasn’t the manna enough for the Iseralites? If that doesn’t bring me to my knees. God has a reason, I may not know it but I will faithfully praise him for my changing life. Just as God mourned the sacrifice of his son, Jesus mourned the life of his friends, mourning is good, but blaming God for not having your life the way you want it, isn’t. Think of Jesus on the Cross, he didn’t want to, but he said “Thy will be done”. He willing went against his desires to fulfill the plan and will of his Father. Losing Rachel, is not as significant in anyway to Jesus’ being crucified on the cross, but it is one event in my life that leaves me breathless and on my knees before Christ in humble adoration and submission. Each of us has those events that change our lives, and point us back to Christ and his sacrifice. What’s your’s?

In one month from today, Josh and I will celebrate the 1st heavenly Birthday of Rachel Hope. We will be lighting Chinese lanterns at some dear friends house out in the country. As, much anxiety and stress that I am feeling towards this next month, I also can’t wait for that day to come.